and now...

Having all the little details carefully constructed, striving for perfection, knowing where the hands of the clock are at each second.... my vision.

Last minute changes in time, location, plans... his vision.

Yes the girl started feeling the effects of the upside down apple cart...

worrying, what if....

But keeping the focus on the big picture, meeting this man eye to eye, feeling the response of my body, the images in my mind...

Yes the big picture!

And now...

after the meeting...

Her mind is calm...

Her body excited....

She is full of smiles, of eager anticipation...

It is all there!

And through all the restraint in her words here...

Her heart is dancing!

grabbing the thorns while reaching for the rose...

 It started about a week ago when i received a message on CM from a "local" Dom.  I responded a few days later and said i would be interested in exploring.  This morning i heard back from him, and in a flurry of emails, i gave him my cell number.  Plans were made to meet tonight, so i rush home from work, do a quick clothes change, a bit of make up and 20 minutes later out the door. We are going to refer to him as AG (use your imagination as to what that stands for) Well first AG is late, never a good sign! Now keep in mind i worked 9 hours today, then drove 30 minutes away to meet him at a place directly a crossed the street from where he lives.  Things were going smoothly, we talked, but i just wasn't feeling that desire to drop to my knees, but being the optimist, i think more time with him, maybe then the feelings will just magically appear. So trusting idiot that i can be, i accept his invite to go to his "studio" to see his work.

  Five minutes there he is on me like flys on dodo! I protest 6 maybe 7 times, told him i am not comfortable, somehow in those words and in the word NO, he hears i want to be "taken". So as i am fleeing for the door he is screaming "stop pretending to be submissive".  So i guess if i were truly submissive i would just lay down and spread em.  Oh my, where do these men come from?

 Are all the men on CM simply horny beast?  Where are the Masters? I did the alt thing and it really was no different, other than i had to pay to have the privilege of meeting "those" types.  Ugh!  I feel like i am beating my head against the wall! 

I need some hope, i need to know that what i am seeking is not a fantasy that i have created in my mind.

Well there is always cutie J....