The Mirror Image...

It was a very rainy day yesterday!

So rainy, that MPH came home early from work.

He had read the blog!

We talked...

He agreed things have been "out of sorts" as of late...

Yes, he has had things on his mind lately,

He has been busy with moving, adjusting to the new place, the new job, being sick...

And yes me....

figuring me out is certainly no easy task!

He wants me to be happy, i am quite aware of that!

But when he is stressed i feel it,

and i too become stressed!

A mirror image...

And he admitted, he considered "options"

a change in the situation....

Call it temporary insanity,

but i think he forgot...

I wear his collar, the one he put on, the one i love wearing!

I am his ... completely!

I think at times he feels he is a visitor,

But i would not wear the collar of a visitor!

He is no visitor!

He is my Master, my Owner...

and i am Histoy...

in every sense of the word!

My obsession...

Looking back...

it is hard to view this past year

and not wonder...

Did i miss him ...

some where in all the flurry of emails and chats...

Did i walk right by him and not know it?

or maybe...

my expectations

are not really based on reality

or are set too high.

i always hear people say

when you stop looking

you will find.

But the need to find

is so damn strong...

How do you just pack that away?

Ignore the need

when it burns through your soul...

It is to a degree an obsession

Obsession:
the domination of one's thoughts or feelings by a persistent idea, image, desire, etc.

Yes that describes it...

And obsessions are not really healthy are they?

This search...

it truly is all consuming.

So to say i am obsessed with my obsession...

Yes that is an accurate statement...

But maybe there is such a thing as a healthy obsession...

to know what you want

what you need

Cannot be, by itself, unhealthy...

or can it?

Drifting forward...

It is nice when they take the lead and the path they opt to go is a twist from the usual one.

It is nice not being able to anticipate, keeping my attention as he leads us there.

I absorb the sights, the sounds, feeling their effects.

He is allowing me subtle glimpses of that which makes him so different.

i follow with eyes wide open, watching his direction, noticing the precision in which he leads us.

My mind is free, my body relaxed as i put one foot in front of the other. No effort is required, just faith.

I do not know where this journey may lead but the path is one of discovery, of new sights, new sounds.

I am not afraid, he has taken that fear away, he has replaced it with the excitement of what lies ahead.

yielding...

I am missing my mark as of late. I feel as though i have jumped off my path, and on to another. Not sure what this other is, and i am definitely unsure if its a good one or not.

I think frustration is the catalyst.

I need to let it go where it may, and hope that the other end is a place of familiarity.

But to just let go and take the ride, stop fighting the journey and just breath...

I know where my goal is, that part is clear.

The unknown part is the journey getting there.

I have always thought i have taken the path of least resistance, but maybe that is just not true.

Maybe that path is one of moving blindly forward, of releasing things that have held me back.

I have over thought, resisted things which felt "different" or odd to me.

At times thinking, that is not me, that is not who i am, and quickly dismissing ideas outside the box.

So i am putting on the blindfold, and walking forward. Lets just see where this path leads....