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Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Some thoughts on "perception"

Over at DV's wonderful blog, he has been exploring the strength of submission, and the perception that the vanilla world holds of D/s! I attempted to respond there but as you can see my response became a bit long winded, (go figure) so here it is...

One conversation of late sticks out in my mind from work.  I work in a retail environment where it is mostly women and the topic of D/s came up! Maddy, an older woman of about 60, married 30 years, lets out a gasp "oh, i think it is just disgusting that whole D/s thing".  A few of the younger woman just kind of snickered and i asked her why she thought that, not meaning it to be entertaining, but for my own education!

She began to recount an incident where she and he husband Dave, were staying in a hotel. In the lobby, she saw a couple where the woman was collared and leashed, the sub referred to her Dom as Sir, and was very subservient in her actions! Maddy explained how uncomfortable that made her feel!

After further exploration, she admitted... She and her husband had not had sex in 4 years! 4 YEARS! sheesh... 3 days without an orgasm and i fall into a miserable unbearable funk!

When we asked if she missed the passion, she admitted she did, then we asked if  Dave, her husband,
really needed her to do that, would she? Knowing that the passion afterwards was going to be the most intense hottest sex she'd ever had... her response was priceless... "there is nothing i wouldn't do for him, short of hurting someone!" You could see in her eyes how she slowly began to understand where the conversation was leading...

I know Maddy is not alone in her misunderstanding of the lifestyle, nor is she alone in living life without ever knowing how truly magnificent love can be! And that is not to say she isn't head over heels for her husband, she definitely is!

If i had never tasted chocolate, how could i possibly ever crave it?

I know for me, i will never stop craving!  I am just not capable... It is not in my genetic make up!

And as horribly as this last one ended, the good times, well they only strengthen my resolve!

I know the beauty, i have felt the beauty, lived the beauty of this lifestyle and will not stop looking
for the real "My Perfect Him"....


  1. Thanks for the reference. It's funny how the initial view, based on just what someone has seen, totally taints their perspective of a given situation. Yet, help them see a bit deeper into it and they begin to at least understand a little bit. I think when you can show someone something like that, and help them see, learn and understand something they didn't know previously, that is a great gift you are giving them. Having the opportunity to open someones eyes to be able to see beyond the surface is a beautiful thing.


  2. Thanks, lovely recount. It is funny what people will judge when they haven't even tried it.

  3. "I know the beauty, i have felt the beauty, lived the beauty of this lifestyle and will not stop looking
    for the real "My Perfect Him"...."

    Perfectly said...hope you find Him... He will be a lucky fellow... ((((HUGS))))

  4. I always say the only perception that matters is that of the two people involved. Period.

    Sometimes the chaos of the hunt makes finding it that much sweeter!

  5. soooo correct baby girl! Thank you for reminding me of that! :)

  6. What a wonderful story. I can only imagine how many people miss so much joy living from fear and stereotypes. I'm glad you're not afraid to seek it.


  7. Nor are you my friend : ) Thank you!