The last night we spent together said it all!
Things were off and i knew it, i felt it deep inside, but pushed it away, wanting it better, knowing it could be if he would just take the reins, embrace what he had and be happy with that!
But promises made, turned to promises broken!
If there is one key in this lifestyle, it is TRUST!
Without it, no doors will open! The walls will remain standing! There is no half way in trust...It is yes or no, black or white, stop or go!
If you have read my blog for the past few months, you know there was another in MPH's life. She was a former from last year, according to him!
According to her, she was his fiance!
On July 22nd, he told me 2 weeks tops and she would be gone!
So cut to 3 weeks ago, MPH moved from 4 hours away to live with his lil slut, namely me! Yes he pulled up stakes, quit his job there, found another here and we have been living 24/7 since!
Things started beautifully!
I was as happy as could be, couldn't imagine being happier!
Yes, i knew she was still in his life, but i dealt with it, same as one would with a big zit right smack on their face! You know it will go away eventually, but each time you look in the mirror, the question eats at your soul, why does it not leave?
You try every miracle cream on the planet, but still, it is there! Looking right back in the mirror, at you! Your hostility grows...
(yes i like the comparison too!)
Anyway, last week i wouldn't give up my pin number for my ATM card! And it wasn't really that which bothered MPH, but what i said in refusing the number, i said
"the trust isn't quite there yet". He was shocked! How could i not trust him yet?
I explained he had given me his word, she would be gone!
And she wasn't gone, she was still there every single night around 10 pm for that good night call! Yes we are cuddled up in bed, when he needs to "go outside for the call". Heaven, isn't it!
Anyway, last night he scared me. i felt compelled to use the safe word! He quit, however, the fact that i needed to use it... in the past 16 years i have never used a safe word until last night! That said everything!
Today when i returned home from work, there was a note, and he had moved out!
He says he is going to fix the situation and will contact me when it is done!
To me it was cowardly!
It is unforgivable!
So just what do i do with this collar on my neck?
The only communication we have had, was that question via text!
"Do what you want and i will let you know when she is out of my life, then you can let me know if you can learn to trust me!"
So tell me my friends... what do i do with my collar?
A. keep it on, he will come back, but do i really want him back?
B. Tuck it neatly into the jewelry box until he returns...but no i don't think i want him back...
C. Craigs list!
D. break it up into a hundred pieces and toss it away, just as he has done...
I just don't know!