Today....

Is it an ending, or a new beginning?

About a week ago i came upon a profile, it was fairly long, but i read it completely.

I saw in it glimpses:
daddy / lil girl,
control,
structure,
tenderness,
confidence,
strength,
and
honesty.

I sent a note, taking apart pieces and responding to those particular points.

And the dialogue began.

In just a few hours he will be in front of me, and i will know!

The conversation so far has been quite direct, he has pushed, often quite intensely.

i pull back, then push forward.

He releases then pulls tighter.

we are dancing in unison.

And it fits.

It feels so good!

Just one more step to go...

The hardest, most difficult step of all.

Looking deep into his soul, and KNOWING this is where i belong, knowing that it is he that i have waited for, searched for, craved for so very long.

I am scared.

I am excited.

Does the dance end here, or is it just beginning?

The meeting

My plate is full.

It is time to re center.

I so detest making choices!

I completely suck at them!

Why is it so difficult to find the one to take them away from me? Never in my dreams did i think it would be so hard, so internally wrenching.


In speaking with the "maybe" hims, it sounds good, i hear the things i am hoping to hear, we exchange pics, i look at the eyes, at the smile, it all seems good! Then the moment comes, we meet, i wait for the feeling, the desire....

and nothing happens. All i feel is disappointment! Why couldn't it be there? Why couldn't this search be over? Am i expecting too much to feel that tingle? Am i really being unrealistic?

And i feel guilt. I have hurt him.

It is a horrible feeling that i have let him down. He is as hopeful as i, that his search has come to an end. That he has found his "one". The lil girl that Daddy so needs to take care of, to guide, to teach, to fuck, to punish, to cherish, to love. The dream is gone.

Time to step back and breathe!