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Tuesday, February 8, 2011

The meeting

My plate is full.

It is time to re center.

I so detest making choices!

I completely suck at them!

Why is it so difficult to find the one to take them away from me? Never in my dreams did i think it would be so hard, so internally wrenching.

In speaking with the "maybe" hims, it sounds good, i hear the things i am hoping to hear, we exchange pics, i look at the eyes, at the smile, it all seems good! Then the moment comes, we meet, i wait for the feeling, the desire....

and nothing happens. All i feel is disappointment! Why couldn't it be there? Why couldn't this search be over? Am i expecting too much to feel that tingle? Am i really being unrealistic?

And i feel guilt. I have hurt him.

It is a horrible feeling that i have let him down. He is as hopeful as i, that his search has come to an end. That he has found his "one". The lil girl that Daddy so needs to take care of, to guide, to teach, to fuck, to punish, to cherish, to love. The dream is gone.

Time to step back and breathe!

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