Just as it should be.....

i try not to anticipate MPH, i think i have discovered that it is futile to attempt!

A very good thing most assuredly ...

Keeping me guessing is one way to keep my interest peaked!

Two days ago, as we were speaking on the phone....

(he was giving me masturbation instructions, telling me which plug i needed next)

i turned around to find him standing in my bedroom!

That sudden feeling of i am being watched, startling at first,

then elation!

Our earlier conversations, were all centered around the future,

the next step...

already my mind was in a place of missing him, needing to feel him near.

And there he was, standing behind me, ready to pounce his prey!

And pounce he did and spank, and bite, and fuck, and well you got it...

for hours...

until his lil slut was thoroughly reminded of what being owned truly entails!

He is really quite demanding of his slut

At times i feel i cannot give anymore, so he proceeds to take...

and take some more....

it is then that i realize how truly owned i am.

He can take all he needs or wants

any way he needs or wants

at any time he needs or wants...

It is his!

That is "this thing we do"...

It is not mine to possess, to control in any form or fashion!

It was before i met him...

But now, it belongs, i belong...

completely to him!

Just as it should be!

Test Drive part 2

In a lifestyle built around honesty, the importance of opening oneself up, letting someone in, giving them a view to the true soul inside, can never be down played.

He sat there in the chair, fully clothed, while i was naked at his feet. Most men,
would be not be spending this time talking, opening their soul... But he did.
Telling me of some of the experiences in his life that have shaped him, not things easily spoken of. At times bringing me to laughter, and other times, not so much.
He would stop intermittently to insure i was comfortable, or maybe to kiss me, or run his hand through my hair.

There was no "rushed" feeling, just an easiness. And as i looked up at him, i felt a sense of his need. His needs are not based solely on his cock, it goes much deeper than that. He refers to it as his "Jimmy". The person who through thick and thin, has his back. A concept i too understand.

As he spoke of his life, i felt such a sense of closeness to him. This beautiful Man before me, was not just offering me his Cock, but his heart as well. On this test drive, he was showing me his engine, teaching me how it runs, walking me through the owners manual.

I felt honored! He is not your "typical" Dominant. He makes no demands... "you must call me Sir or Master", no that is not his style. He is very much his own Man. His concerns are not in what "others" think or say... yet his concern about what i thought, or what i felt were very apparent. He needed me to know him, to feel safe, to trust that his intentions were sincere. To know he is not viewing this as a "fix" for today...

And as i listened to him, i felt drawn to him, drawn to his heart, his mind and yes to his cock, that need of his, that so touched that need of mine...

So this Master of mine has left me with a dilemma. My blog... The Empty Collar!
Just what do i do? I guess a revamping of sorts is in order! Yes a problem i welcome with open arms....

what i wonder...

In reading the various blogs, there are many that live in 24/7 situations.

That is the ultimate goal for me.

But i cannot help but question myself.

Am i capable?

Often things look so good from the outside, and then once inside, it is not at all

as it appeared.

I worry about that.

I have never lived in a 24/7, as a matter of fact i have lived on my own for 22 years, doing things basically my way.

In my previous D/s relationship when i was at his house, it was his way.

I was always fine with that.

But then when i would return home, the D/s ended, and it was back to my way.

And i always knew in the back of my mind, i would be returning to "my way" shortly.

There was no structure, no routines other than those i had for myself.

But i wonder, can i adjust?

Can i fully let go of "my way"?

And maybe i am putting the cart before the horse so to speak.

I do have a tendency to "over think" just about everything in my life.

Maybe it will just flow naturally...

I do not question my desire...

but my ability.

Insecurities are never fun.

I do have tremendous sympathy for who ever he is...

He is definitely going to have his hands full with this one.

Freedom...

The purpose of walls is to keep your distance from those you do not want near you, whether it is due to fear, or discomfort from those people, you build walls, often many walls, as a means to protect yourself.

For me i can let those walls down only with trust, and only with those whom i am certain are not approaching with an agenda to benefit only themselves, with no care or concern as to why those walls are there or what they are protecting. The walls are a haven for me, a place i can feel safe, and unfortunately a place only i can control while i am on this search. I do not want to control those walls. I hate that i feel the need to have those walls.

But as a submissive woman, i am aware of my vulnerability, my naivety, my desire to jump heart first, to place his happiness first and foremost, only to have that exploited, or abused.

So i hang on, i watch, i listen, i analyze what is it that he is capable of, or wanting to do with that element of my being?

And when i know its safe, i begin to let those walls down, a little here , a bit there, until finally i can feel it in my very soul, i am safe. He is not looking to "harm" it, his concern is indeed genuine and sincere.

But isn't that why this lifestyle is so damn great? Its that unexpected, the unknown force that allows us to feel safe, to feel trust, to turn that over to some one else which allows us to "release" what it is that is holding those walls in place.

And as each wall comes tumbling down the feeling of freedom grows stronger and much more intense, not just for the one within the walls, but for both! That facilitates the "connect" between a slave and Owner. Knowing that the freedom his slave is experiencing is the freedom he has allowed her to feel. That he has brought her to.

It is funny to use the word freedom when referring to enslavement, but for me that is how i see it! It is a freedom to be who and what i really am inside, no pretense, no hiding behind the "good girl". This is me, this is who i really am. I am a slave and i love that i am a slave. I am a slut, a whore, a piece of property, here but for one purpose, to serve my Master! That is all i will ever be and that is all i ever want to be! That is where my freedom is found, that is where my heart can dance!