Dreams do come true....

It is truly amazing the changes our lives can experience in a very short period of time!

When I started my blog last year, I was in the midst of searching for a very special Man! Shuffling through the profiles on CM, FL and even Alt.com, hoping he was there.... somewhere in all that mess.

And as you all know, for a very long time I was only finding the frogs, some frogs were better than others, but they were none the less, not MY "Prince"!

When I met MPH for the first time, I felt something very special with him! I knew this one was different! My insides turned to putty.... I was his and I knew it!

That was six months ago...

And with time, the reality that we just "fit" became even more clear!

There were obstacles, minor, but they were there!

For the past 3 months he has worked extremely hard to show me that he is here for the long run, he cleared whatever obstacles were in our path, and has truly made "us" his focus!

He has shown me how very capable he is of being the Man, the Master I truly needed in my life! He has really stepped up to the plate!

On Thanksgiving morning, he told me to have a seat, he had something he needed to discuss with me. He got down on his knee .... and ... well ... he threw me for a loop... He asked me to marry him, to make our commitment to each other "complete" in every sense of the word!

To say I am elated, doesn't quite express the happiness i feel! Its so beyond that!

The ring... well it is just beautiful! It is him, My Perfect Him!

But first, we have this minor battle to fight, however, when that is behind us, when I can once again feel like his perfect lil princess whore, then we can make it official!

It is the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow... The perfect pot of gold!

On Being Thankful!

When you meet someone, who by a simple glint in his eye and a smile on his face, can light your world! Your heart does its own little dance and you just know this is where you were meant to be, with this Man, this Master, the one who turns your world into a beautiful and wonderful place with each breathe you breath... You know you are owned, you are loved.....

In 1998, at age 37 I was diagnosed with Breast Cancer. The news was devastating to say the least, I was a single mom with a 10 yr old son. To say it changed my life is putting it rather mildly. For 3 years I underwent countless surgeries and treatments. Throughout which time i continued to work and raise my son, all basically alone!

I remember hitting the 5 year mark, a major milestone, then the 10 year mark, another major one!

However, I have always remained very vigilant about changes with my body, I am quite aware of the fact that I am what is considered "high risk".

Recently the results of a blood test came back with positive markers for another type of cancer, ovarian!

And here I go again...

Only this time, things are a bit different! My son is grown and fully capable of living his life without the watchful eye of Mommy hovering over him.

And this time, oh God this time, I am not alone!

The comfort in knowing that I am not slaying this dragon alone (this time) is huge!

Sometimes the exactly right people come into our lives at exactly the right time and this is one of those times!

I have a wonderful Master who is standing by me, holding me up, giving me strength to face this, almost overly eager to take care of his lil slut ... He is truly a gift in my life!

Thank you my Love, my Life....

Some thoughts on "perception"

Over at DV's wonderful blog, he has been exploring the strength of submission, and the perception that the vanilla world holds of D/s! I attempted to respond there but as you can see my response became a bit long winded, (go figure) so here it is...

One conversation of late sticks out in my mind from work.  I work in a retail environment where it is mostly women and the topic of D/s came up! Maddy, an older woman of about 60, married 30 years, lets out a gasp "oh, i think it is just disgusting that whole D/s thing".  A few of the younger woman just kind of snickered and i asked her why she thought that, not meaning it to be entertaining, but for my own education!

She began to recount an incident where she and he husband Dave, were staying in a hotel. In the lobby, she saw a couple where the woman was collared and leashed, the sub referred to her Dom as Sir, and was very subservient in her actions! Maddy explained how uncomfortable that made her feel!

After further exploration, she admitted... She and her husband had not had sex in 4 years! 4 YEARS! sheesh... 3 days without an orgasm and i fall into a miserable unbearable funk!

When we asked if she missed the passion, she admitted she did, then we asked if  Dave, her husband,
really needed her to do that, would she? Knowing that the passion afterwards was going to be the most intense hottest sex she'd ever had... her response was priceless... "there is nothing i wouldn't do for him, short of hurting someone!" You could see in her eyes how she slowly began to understand where the conversation was leading...

I know Maddy is not alone in her misunderstanding of the lifestyle, nor is she alone in living life without ever knowing how truly magnificent love can be! And that is not to say she isn't head over heels for her husband, she definitely is!

If i had never tasted chocolate, how could i possibly ever crave it?

I know for me, i will never stop craving!  I am just not capable... It is not in my genetic make up!

And as horribly as this last one ended, the good times, well they only strengthen my resolve!

I know the beauty, i have felt the beauty, lived the beauty of this lifestyle and will not stop looking
for the real "My Perfect Him"....

This place....

Waking up, next to him, knowing ...

He is not leaving, going back to "his" place...

MPH is home!

His arms wrap around me as my eyes begin to open,

he pulls me into him,

Holding me tighter,

as he takes what is his to take.

And i wonder....

Does Life get any better?

Yes i am....

deliriously happy!

A place i never thought i would be...

and a place i never want to leave!

This journey,

and all i have gone through along the way,

to get to "just this place"

Now i know,

it was all soooooo worth it!

a million little pieces...

Sometimes life seems so simple, so easy....

But it just isn't!

As i have mentioned in about 20 past blogs, patience and i, well we are polar opposites! It avoids me like the plaque! And apparently its absence in my life, has taken its toll on me!

And maybe, i honestly do not know, but just maybe, the past relationship
he was in was over. But, for me, it was not over enough!

I really have tried to be patient, to be tolerant, to push those "ugly" feelings to the side, unsuccessfully!

Two calls to Her in just a few hours, well that pushed the buttons, then the rush out the door in the morning, the final straw!

The pain of that moment was just too much...

And yes my heart is broken into a million little pieces!

But i know it is the right thing to do, to walk away, to let him figure it out!

If he comes back to me without her in his life, i will welcome him with open arms, but i can't "expect" it, i can't wait for it to sort itself out!

It is far too painful...

This man brought something very special to my life, and i can only hope he can figure it out!

From the inside out....

My few days with my Master have come and gone, and not unlike every time we have been together, we have some how managed to spend pretty much the whole time completely absorbed in each other. Feeling total joy from the inside out...

As i look around the room, i see the remnants of our time together, the toys, the rope, the collar and cuffs... all reminders of how very fortunate i am! The whole time together, the outside world was far away, removed from my mind completely!

And now, he is on his way home and the world is calling me back...

Even though i would love to just "stay" in that place he takes me, i know i have "things" needing my attention. As if i need to separate the "us" in my mind, to step outside for just a bit, and handle those real life things staring me in the face today.

Last night my uncle, my favorite uncle, lost his battle with Cancer. I knew something was going on the way my phone was ringing, all family members, one right after the other, until i finally answered. And if it had happened prior to meeting MPH, receiving that news, the result would surely have been different. i would have cried for him, as i did when he received the diagnosis. But last night, i found i was relieved, he was no longer in pain, and more importantly he was with the woman he spent his life adoring until she passed away a few years ago. Since she passed, it was as if he was simply moving through life "maintaining". His loss evident to all who knew him.

But when the news came, i looked at my Master, and understood much more than i could have or would have previously! Finding that "one" who brings light to our life, from the inside out, well there just isn't anything else that compares!

And although i will miss my uncle terribly, it was those days when he lived life fully with the woman he loved by his side, that i will think of most often. Those days that his smile came from the inside out...