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Monday, July 18, 2011

Speaking up! Well kinda...

I have changed through the years.

Most of those changes for the better...

At least, i think so!

In my marriage, i went weeks with no sex, and never did i utter the words

"Fuck me, just take me right here, right now"

No, I was a good girl!

Never would i consider saying what was truly in my thoughts...

And in my previous D/s relationship....

when things would start feeling off kilter...

Never would i utter a word of dissatisfaction!

I would just ignore the feeling....

And now, maybe it is because of the importance of this relationship to me

or maybe it is because of the lessons i have learned through the years,

Or just maybe it is "Him"...

I tend to say what is on my mind,

never intending it to be a complaint of any sort,

But more of a "this is how i am feeling"...

This relationship is, in my eyes,

what i have searched for, what i have needed for a very long time.

Always hoping for, but never really certain it was possible!

So when something is on my mind, it finds a way to my lips...

And sometimes i think i confuse him.

I know that often i speak in riddles never really saying what i mean...

But when we are together,

everything is intense,


And of course that is not a bad thing by any means...

until it wears off!

And i am here

and he is there...

Then it just becomes, well kind of difficult...

I have never been such a needy woman before.

But he does that to me

and i am not really certain how to handle that within myself!

In the past i have managed to stifle my needs, to hide them, to disregard them!

When i am with him, my needs are met!

That in itself is new to me!

But then we part...

And in a few days

after all the intensity dissipates...

My mind craves...

My "need" becomes over powering...

and when i try to deal with it...

I feel unequipped...

I can't seem to explain it

even now the words aren't there!

But "it" is...

Until tomorrow anyway...

when i see him, all will be wonderful!

Such a vicious circle!


  1. *sighs* I can so relate to this.

    I really admire that you are hanging in there even when it gets confusing or difficult.

    I enjoy your posts very much. Thanks.


  2. Ohhh Thank you both! I know you both understand... Thanks!

  3. I admire the fact that you are able to speak up. I am not always able to voice my thoughts mostly out of fear. Just another reason why I look up to you my friend.
    Smiles :)

  4. I can't speak for "Him", but will from my own point of view. I want the open communication. I want your thoughts, views, concerns, opinions. I need to know them. Yes I can lead us down a path that I think is best. But...when I have more information and know better where you stand and what you are feeling, then I can make better decisions and choices.

    Therefore, to me, being able to talk and be open is vital to the relationship. In my view, it's not about you complaining...it's about you feeling and being free to express what's inside. Being this open can be hard for so many people, Dom and sub alike. They have never been this open and expressive before. It makes you feel vulnerable and like a target right out in the open. But once you learn and can see that being this open benefits you both and the overall relationship, then it becomes easier. There is much more up side to this type of communication than down side.

    That's my view from my side of the fence and what works for me.


  5. SBF...Thank you.. i think it is always within you to speak up... you do so on your blog quite often, i think finding the one who allows and encourages you to speak up... that is the key! As DV so eloquently stated.