For one who never misses a day to blog...
and then suddenly 2 days
and no blog....
You know something is amiss...
Thanks for the concern, but i am just fine...
well kinda...
The girl has been struggling...
internally
an unrest...
Don't you hate that "stomach in a knot" sort of feeling....
the gut which never lies....
is saying something.
Interpreting that message...
yes there in lies the difficulty!
i live in a la la land of sorts...
never wanting the people i care about to ever feel hurt...
and often i sugar coat
leaving the truth some where under that sweet sugar shell.
My meeting the other day...
the Him that i met...
was not the him for me.
He is still a keeper in my mind....
just not a keeper for me.
I knew it wasn't all there for me
the burning lust....
But he was a nice guy
One i didn't want to hurt...
But my gut, was telling me
to keep looking...
i tried to push it away, ignore it...
But it persisted....
and finally i gave in...
i walked away from him...
i know it is the right thing
but that really doesn't make it easier.
It is that 99% versus 100% thing...
And maybe it is that la la land that i live in
thinking things should be, will be 100%...
And i will probably spend my life alone
searching for that 100%
never accepting 99%...
But i can't quit trying...
it just may be right around the corner...
It is the hardest thing to do but the only right thing ..walking away from the 99%.
ReplyDeleteBut then .. you and your gut know that already~~
I have been there from the Dom side, and it is hard. For me, it was having what most would consider absolutely perfect. A wonderful lady, submissive, a desire to be everything I would ask of her, and begging to be led and guided. From a strictly D/s perspective...it was perfect. From a chemistry perspective...it was, as you say, 98% for me. It was just missing a very small something. But that something was enough to give me that gut feeling and to walk away. Even after she came back asking for more and to try again. As perfect as it seemed on the outside, there was...that damn gut. LOL!
ReplyDeleteIn all reality though, I'm glad I waited. What I wanted and needed did come along. It is out there, and you will know when you find it. It will slap you in the face like a ton of bricks. I applaud you for walking when you felt and knew it wasn't exactly what you wanted, even when it was very close.
DV
Thank you both... i know it was the right thing to do... although that doesn't make it easier....
ReplyDeletehope springs eternal.....