i would have to say it is dealing with the "let down" i feel when talking with someone seriously for a period of time, then realizing it is not quite what i am looking for, and opting to move on.
i am aware that i am not alone in that "let down", that he will feel the let down as well.
i have to open myself up in the exploration process, there is no option, and try as i may to protect myself, it is never possible to really avoid the pain.
i tend to process things differently though.
When i feel it is not right, and i walk away, i do not look back.
i know there is a reason i walked away, and regardless as to whether that reason is right or wrong, i felt the need to walk away.
i do not go back and revisit with a "well maybe if i tweak this or that, it will work."
To me it needs to feel 100% completely right.
I just cannot within my mind find a way to submit to 99%.
We need to be on the same path, heading in the same direction with that ever elusive thing we call chemistry as our constant companion.
That makes up the 100%.
Twice yesterday i was contacted by 99%'s.
i feel bad having to justify my reasoning for walking away.
But i have to go with my gut, if something doesn't feel right, then it just isn't right.
Currently the one who has captured my attention is one of those i spoke to 6 months ago and for one reason or another, he got busy, i got distracted, we never met.
The paths, the destination are perfectly aligned, and this week end i will find out if it is indeed 100%.
The chemistry is not something either of us can control, if it is there for both of us, it is quite possible my search has ended.
And if not, it will hurt, but i will pull up my big girl panties, ur ok i will find a pair of panties, dust em off, a nice lace thong should work, so i can pull em up, and i will trudge on.
Sigh.
ReplyDeleteOmg, I can soooo relate to this.
aisha
Hugs and fingers crossed for that 100%
ReplyDeleteGotta love those big girl panties! I am cheering for you and him to have that chemistry.
ReplyDelete:)
Thank you all!
ReplyDeleteand sbf... we know exactly who has a pair of nice lace thong panties i can have... right Clive? lol
LOL - they are all yours Histoy - but you will have to come over and take them :)
ReplyDeleteI couldn't agree with your assessment more. I have been through the same journey, as you know. Always, looking for the perfect match, and always finding anyone I meet to not quite be that person 100%. Some could have been the most submissive person ever. Some could have been the sweetest woman ever. Yet, some part of things between us, at least in my view, just wasn't quite right. And like you, I'd rather be alone and in search, then to be with someone just for the sake of a D/s relationship.
ReplyDeleteI wish you all the best, and hope this works out for you. If it doesn't, I know it will disappoint you, but I also know you will keep moving forward and searching for the perfect man. You have strength, you have resolve, you have determination, and you won't settle for any less than what you need and deserve. That speaks volumes about the kind of person you are. Kudos to you!
DV
Thank you DV, you hit the nail on the head with this line..."And like you, I'd rather be alone and in search, then to be with someone just for the sake of a D/s relationship." Exactly!
ReplyDeleteAnd Clive, don't tempt me! : )