If i were asked what the most painful part of this journey is...
i would have to say it is dealing with the "let down" i feel when talking with someone seriously for a period of time, then realizing it is not quite what i am looking for, and opting to move on.
i am aware that i am not alone in that "let down", that he will feel the let down as well.
i have to open myself up in the exploration process, there is no option, and try as i may to protect myself, it is never possible to really avoid the pain.
i tend to process things differently though.
When i feel it is not right, and i walk away, i do not look back.
i know there is a reason i walked away, and regardless as to whether that reason is right or wrong, i felt the need to walk away.
i do not go back and revisit with a "well maybe if i tweak this or that, it will work."
To me it needs to feel 100% completely right.
I just cannot within my mind find a way to submit to 99%.
We need to be on the same path, heading in the same direction with that ever elusive thing we call chemistry as our constant companion.
That makes up the 100%.
Twice yesterday i was contacted by 99%'s.
i feel bad having to justify my reasoning for walking away.
But i have to go with my gut, if something doesn't feel right, then it just isn't right.
Currently the one who has captured my attention is one of those i spoke to 6 months ago and for one reason or another, he got busy, i got distracted, we never met.
The paths, the destination are perfectly aligned, and this week end i will find out if it is indeed 100%.
The chemistry is not something either of us can control, if it is there for both of us, it is quite possible my search has ended.
And if not, it will hurt, but i will pull up my big girl panties, ur ok i will find a pair of panties, dust em off, a nice lace thong should work, so i can pull em up, and i will trudge on.