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Sunday, April 17, 2011


It is difficult when you have learned how to close things up nice and tight, to shift into the "release" mode and start opening those things up again.

He asked questions, about my past experience.

So yes i took the easy way out....

Sort of answered it, but sort of avoided answering it.

I knew he wanted details, he wanted the real nitty gritty.

I completely understand why he wanted that, but i held back.

Coated it twice over with sugar, and sent the answers he wasn't looking for back.

And i have to ask myself why i would do that?

Was it simply for his reaction?

To see if he would allow the half assed attempt?

Well of course he didn't accept it, or should i say he failed to see the cuteness in it?

And if he had, wouldn't my "opinion" of him, have deflated a bit?

Maybe that was what i was looking for.

It is still all very new, so am i still testing him?

Or maybe that is not it at all.

Maybe it is still in keeping some of those walls up...

Staying safely protected within the tight cocoon.

Between those two options, which is worse?

Manipulative or insecure?

I want neither!

And i am certain he will stand for neither.

eeeks.... this girl could be in for some big trouble...

But you know what?

If there were no challenges for him, he wouldn't be happy either...


  1. Probably a little bit of both. It takes time to build a solid foundation of trust.

  2. I agree, sbf stole my thoughts. LOL! You can't be expected, or expect yourself, to completely open up to anyone right from the start. I takes time. It takes trust. It takes making sure they are worth opening up for.

    From some of your previous posts, I would say you are testing him as well, whether it is intentional or not. You need to see how he reacts to you and handles you. Is he too passive? Is he too over the top? What kind of person and Dom is he really? That is what you are trying to figure out, and see if he is and/or can be who you need him to be.

    I don't think you are being manipulative or insecure. At least based on your post. You have been up and down the block and know what kind of guys are out there. I think you are being cautious and calculated. There is nothing wrong with that in the beginning. You are very familiar with red flags when they appear. Trust your instinct, your knowledge, your ability to read him, and your gut. they will serve you well.


  3. Thank you both...

    Unfortunately patience is one of those "virtues" i missed out on, but i am working on it...just wish i would hurry up and find some! smiles...

    DV yes i much prefer the sound of cautious and calculated ...
    And at this stage, i would really view neither as a negative. But honestly i cannot say for certain why i felt the need to "hold back", it is just something i felt and did not understand.
    Again thank you for the perspective, always appreciated!