the not so deep end of the pool

It is wonderful what you can learn about a person in a small amount of time chatting with them.

Of course you learn their likes, their dislikes, their hobbies, their turn ons or turn offs fairly easy, but to really know the person, to know their level of intelligence, of humanity, of what they really are "inside" usually takes a bit longer.

But there are also ways of spotting things which may not immediately come to the surface through a mere chat session. You can take a little of this and put it together with a little of that, and lo and behold you find something you had not anticipated.

There have been times when speaking with someone and suddenly i see something little, just a glimmer of something that "triggers" concern. Then when i focus in on that subject it hits, the person is a racist, or the person is too shallow to see the big picture. What ever the case, i know with no doubt, this will not work.

As abruptly as possible without going into too much detail with them, i disassociate myself from them. They are flawed in a way i have no desire to address. Something which can in no way be remedied. A lost cause.

And i know a flawed person will never be a "complete" person. They will never find happiness because they have condemned themselves to that station in life.

And in my heart i find pity for them, they simply do not see it. They are missing out on so much beauty in life, by keeping their mind closed.

They see simply what they "want" to see and nothing else.

To find a place of strength inside, to look beyond "normal" is not an easy task.

It is not something a person of meager fortitude can grasp.

We set goals for ourselves to reach beyond, not to stay stagnate, but to really persevere the adversity that we are confronted with daily. Those things which inhibit us, which keep us from growing, from moving forward.

That is the purpose of my goal, of my search. To reach for what I once thought as the unattainable. He is out there, i am certain.