and silence pays a visit

It was destined to happen, i had hoped it wouldn't, but it did. IB stumbled upon my blog. Hmmm maybe stumbled wasn't quite the right word. If one searches and finds its not quite a stumble.

I write this to keep my thoughts organized, to look at things going on around me in a clearer perspective. I talk about the things going through my mind, the players entering and exiting, in the hopes that i can learn from them, that i can see clearer the issues, and then can deal with them.

I do often hold back thoughts that i am struggling with until i can put them down in a clear and concise manner.

But now i feel the compromise.

The need to hold back even more. One fright i have is saying i want this in my life and do not want that in my life, and then someone makes an adjustment, to fill that need. But its a temporary adjustment, or an untrue adjustment. And its not that i would withhold those needs or wants if asked. I am brutally honest with those in my life. But to make an honest decision of whether one "fits" you have to know the true self, and maybe he won't attempt to change those traits which first attracted me, i could only hope he stays true to who and what he is. It is those traits which have brought us to this point. But the thought is there, is he saying this because of what i wrote yesterday, or last week.

So instead of writing of my love for butt plugs, i am here analyzing the situation. Feeling half pissed that i ever mentioned a blog.

Ah the lessons i learn!