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Saturday, February 12, 2011

On being a "toy"

There are so many different aspects which are so exciting to me in a M/s relationship.

In my former it was certainly one i describe as D/s more than M/s. Even though when i was there, i was certainly slave, he was my Master, i never felt the power was used to the degree it was offered. And over the 13 years things would change within the relationship, sometimes being very strong M/s based, and more often than desired, it would be almost vanilla. Although the basic foundation was always in place, that was never forgotten or taken for granted.

In the beginning it was all about the M/s. I would arrive on Friday night, undress except for my collar. He had taught me the positions. I knew them by heart. I would wait for him on my knees, arms bent at the elbows, hands forming a V and head on the ground inside the V, legs spread. He would enter the room, inspect me, and attach the wrist and ankle cuffs. Then the play would begin. He had his favorite implements, and i had mine. He preferred the crops and canes, i preferred the floggers. He was a major fan of orgasm control. He loved to hear me beg! He loved to see me squirm. And yes, i loved it as well.

I have never considered myself a masochist. My cravings were never the pain itself, it was always the control. I never thought "it would be nice to have someone flog me". My cravings were "it would be wonderful if he would use me". I never really cared how, that never mattered. However, anticipating how was always exciting!

So now i am simply floating, waiting for that place to land. No visions of who he is, but knowing, always knowing, i will be used!

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