i find it amazing to every day wake up and feel so "up there".
I always thought that as i got older my desires would become less, but that is not so. I think since i turned 30 i have become more horny then when i was younger. Much more wanting and needing.
Of course prior to 30 i was married, and had the opportunity to have sex as much as i wanted, nilla sex though. Dull, boring, missionary sex!
But in hitting 30, after i was divorced, the hormones kicked in, and now i would love sex 4 or 5 times a day.
And of course now i am single, that is just not possible.
Ah life can be so cruel sometimes!
So my mind wanders, i have visions of bondage, of being taken, of being used.
And that makes the "need" worse!
So i have settled into a routine of pleasuring myself. But it is just a band aid, it is only a momentary satisfaction. Within hours the mind takes over, and i see myself kneeling at his feet, with my collar on, legs spread, waiting for inspection!
To feel his eyes, to see his smile and there i go again, back up there!
Don't misunderstand, i love being up there. It truly is a great place to be.
But it makes this search that much harder, that much more needed. That much more painful.
I need to find the face in that vision. To see the definition of who he is, and not just the shadow, the outline of the man that owns me.