I do reflect in my writing, the people that are around me at the time i am writing.
So if i am having a depressing day, i need only to look at who i am speaking with, who has had the biggest impact on me at that time, to determine why that is. It is often a part of our nature as submissive women to take on an almost "mirror" like quality of those in our life, (unintentional) even if it is just a minimal amount of communication. And as a submissive woman who is without that "Master" in her life, i tend to pick up many "mindsets" in the various chats. And those mindsets attach themselves to me and can either bring me down, or lift me up.
These past few days of "no chat" have been great for me, although an occasional one has burst through the lines, being aware of the effect it has on me has helped tremendously. Knowing the direction my mind is moving, and controlling the outcome is integral to staying happy and at peace within myself.
I had a very good discussion with V last night, yes V the unavailable sweet heart of a Man. He has so earned my respect. He has had the opportunity to completely take advantage of what i feel for him, to exploit it, but he chooses not to. He understands the responsibility that entails and readily admits, he is not yet ready.
To me that says a great deal about his character and the quality person that he is. And maybe that is the reason he has stolen my heart, maybe when i met him (now over 6 months ago), i some how knew that about him, i could sense that he was a worthy and capable Man of quality, of honesty and integrity.
Qualities that do not come along often. He has been around this arena for well over 30 years, from both sides, he knows what is involved.
So he is my "Poster Man" for what i seek in a Master, minus the broken heart of course.
However, as i have said before, if it is meant to be, it will be.
But meanwhile, i will continue to trudge through, learning all i can, experiencing all i can, living life at the highest level i am capable of.
But stopping every once in a while to chase butterflies, to not feel pressured, to let the child inside breathe.