Being extremely busy is sometimes a very good diversion for me. So it is a fair statement to say i am currently being diverted.
I had hoped to accomplish everything on my to do list yesterday, so today could be my day at the "beach" but it didn't happen.
So by next week, i am certain my mind will be in complete and total "need" for beach time. I will apologize now for my up coming blogs, probably by the time the week end hits, they will sink into a darker place, or maybe not. I certainly hope not, but as my track record goes....
I was asked yesterday to "reveal" my fantasies.
And in thinking about that, i really cannot say i have any except the one that i am on this "journey" for.
It is a fantasy, one that i do focus basically a majority of my energy on.
I have had fantasies in the past, and often, once they have been realized, i was left with a feeling of "not as good as i fantasized" type of feeling.
So the thought is present, in the back of my mind, that maybe this is one of those.
Maybe it will finally come to fruition and i will be disappointed! (ugh the lack of beach time rearing its ugly head already)
It can be compared to some of these "meetings" i have gone through. In my mind while speaking with some of these men, i say "yes" we are on the same path, the same wave length, then as suddenly as it starts, something like the case with CC comes up.
And i am reminded of the many different layers there are within this world of D/s.
I read some of the blogs out there, about various types of 24/7 relationships, and occasionally i picture myself in that situation and ask, how would i feel about that.
I look at some as being too "hardcore" for me, and i wonder "is that what she fantasized it would be prior to entering that relationship?"
To be pushed is certainly essential, otherwise it becomes mundane, and i have been there and done that already!
In reality i would say that is why i am so particular in "exploring" the various hims out there. It is my attempt to insure its the same path, the same ideals, to define the fine line.
But is that even possible?
I have no intentions of finding a "him" for the moment. Letting go cannot be a "until i feel otherwise" situation. It certainly can be for him, but not for me. How unfair is that?
And then i remind myself, i need to stop thinking too deeply on it, to let go and let life happen.... ah i need the beach...