Sometimes the area of what is comfortable and what is not, becomes a bit distorted, and it is not until i am there that i can decide whether i am within the boundaries or not.
Tonight i am testing those lines once again.
Often I think i have no business being in the nilla world, it is not a world where i could find fulfillment. I would always hunger for the D/s world, to turn over the "control", to serve, to submit.
The need for a diversion quite strong, i took a brief leap into the nilla world a few weeks ago. I set up two dates. On the first, he was a cutie, very nice but a bit younger than myself, and the cougar feelings were not that comfortable to me. But #2, a bit closer in age, funny, sweet and intelligent. Comfortable! In this context i am not looking for the Dominant man, only the "Man". An innocent dating adventure with no strings, just a relaxing good time. A much more carefree approach and mindset.
Tonight is date #2 with nilla man #2. He is picking me up on his Harley and taking me to the beach for dinner. It has been 30 years since i have been on the back of a Harley. I am a much different woman since those days, however, i still feel the same level of excitement that i did then.
I am excited about tonight. I need to giggle, to be carefree for just a little while.
I feel no pressure, no stress, which is totally cool.
I am within my comfort zone, but certainly mindful that the lines are just inches away.
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