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Sunday, March 13, 2011

purposeful path...

"i am not a pain slut"

"then you are not submissive"

"oh? ... Good bye"

It amazes me how many men i cross paths with who have no clue.

For me the core of this lifestyle has absolutely nothing to do with floggers, or canes or whips. Nothing to do with sex, or pain, or for that matter the pleasure.

It is COMPLETELY about the mind. It is about the control, the "exchange of power".

Those implements are simply that, and nothing more.

The true pleasure comes from the mind, the heart and the soul.

Granted my submission is not something i can offer lightly.

I can not just offer my ass to the cane without first having the desire to offer my heart.

This lifestyle is not about sex, it is about trust, about the connection between two people.

CC is now a member of the "no, i am no longer interested" group."

The reason is, i told him i had a difficult time watching my Master with another woman.

He found that appalling.

He said that meant i was too insecure.

Yes i do have insecurities, and i am certain he does as well.

But in my mind, the fact that he felt that was so very important tells me we are on two very different paths. Mine mental, his sexual.

It is not saying his path is wrong, it is just wrong for me.

If there is one thing i have learned on this journey, it is how very difficult that "connection" is to find.

I do think many "settle" because the sex is great, and do not consider the most important aspects of the "connection".

And in the end, the differences become obstacles which they are unable to overcome.

And they float from Dom to Dom, or sub to sub, not quite understanding why.

But they take no time to look deep, to insure the "minds" are traveling in the same direction.

It is very easy to offer ones body, but to offer ones mind, ones soul, ones heart, that is truly the difficult part of this journey.

And because of the difficulty of the journey, i do feel when i do "find" what i am looking for, it will make things that much more appreciated. That much more worth it! And that much more unlikely i will ever "settle".


  1. There is no substitute for time, nor is there a substitute for trust. Both require extensive involvement not just a wham-bam-thank you ma'am approach to life. No Dom, who claims to be a Dom, can fail to understand that. All they are is pretenders.

  2. It never ceases to amaze me, the amount of people (usually men), who seem to think it's all about the physical aspects. I mean, without the mental stuff, wouldn't BDSM just be a generalized textbook poster for widespread abusive relationships?

  3. Yes RM agree completely! Sadly many of the pretenders are also the dishonest ones, which is very scary! However for every bad one, there are ten good ones.

    Yes lil, you are correct as well, i think many especially on sites like CM hide behind the premise of BDSM, but their colors do show them selves eventually!