"i am not a pain slut"
"then you are not submissive"
"oh? ... Good bye"
It amazes me how many men i cross paths with who have no clue.
For me the core of this lifestyle has absolutely nothing to do with floggers, or canes or whips. Nothing to do with sex, or pain, or for that matter the pleasure.
It is COMPLETELY about the mind. It is about the control, the "exchange of power".
Those implements are simply that, and nothing more.
The true pleasure comes from the mind, the heart and the soul.
Granted my submission is not something i can offer lightly.
I can not just offer my ass to the cane without first having the desire to offer my heart.
This lifestyle is not about sex, it is about trust, about the connection between two people.
CC is now a member of the "no, i am no longer interested" group."
The reason is, i told him i had a difficult time watching my Master with another woman.
He found that appalling.
He said that meant i was too insecure.
Yes i do have insecurities, and i am certain he does as well.
But in my mind, the fact that he felt that was so very important tells me we are on two very different paths. Mine mental, his sexual.
It is not saying his path is wrong, it is just wrong for me.
If there is one thing i have learned on this journey, it is how very difficult that "connection" is to find.
I do think many "settle" because the sex is great, and do not consider the most important aspects of the "connection".
And in the end, the differences become obstacles which they are unable to overcome.
And they float from Dom to Dom, or sub to sub, not quite understanding why.
But they take no time to look deep, to insure the "minds" are traveling in the same direction.
It is very easy to offer ones body, but to offer ones mind, ones soul, ones heart, that is truly the difficult part of this journey.
And because of the difficulty of the journey, i do feel when i do "find" what i am looking for, it will make things that much more appreciated. That much more worth it! And that much more unlikely i will ever "settle".