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Friday, January 7, 2011

Man vs Master

This elusive search has been  over two years now.  Currently i have all my profiles hidden as i think i have a few too many to juggle right now.  C is quietly fading to the side lines which is a good thing.  He was the only one i had connected with from a vanilla type site. And although he was intensly handsome, has a dominant "type" personality, the thoughts of introducing him to this world had me in a bit of a tizzy! I know i could have done it with time, he was always asking me questions that would have easily opened the door, but in doing so you are putting yourself out there. Taking a risk that he would view me in the mindset of "she is just too strange for me". But i did enjoy his company, and not feeling like i "needed" to view him as my Master, i could view him as a man that i could care for unconditionally.  It is much less stressful viewing a Man as simply a Man.  But dealing with his forgetfulness would have eventually ate me alive. I need structure, i need routine, i need rules and i do need discipline.  I am certainly a service oriented slave, i do not consider myself a pain slut, but there are times when i crave the feelings / effects of a good caning, flogging, spanking etc. So looking at that maybe that is why i am so picky, so selective.  I initially look at these men only as Masters, and not as Men first.  Maybe i need to reverse that.  I often get upset when they delve into my submissiveness before looking at me the woman. It does create a reaction, a certain amount of defensiveness, of looking at them through submissive eyes.  And from there my opinion of them starts to develop, weak / strong, knowledgeable / novice, worthy / not.  Certainly food for thought....

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