I am home today battling a wicked sinus infection, actually took a pain pill last night and still feeling the effects. So the update on the cast is as follows: in 4th is N where he has been all along due to the distance, 3rd ken doll (placement unchanged) 2nd (now here is the change) E, my reason is because i am starting to question his integrity. (as my friends words resonate through me, about not fitting into the mold that i have created) Its not that cutie J has done such a good job of impressing me, its just that E has done such a good job of NOT impressing me. I am questioning E's authenticity. So if the gut is saying something, one needs to listen!
As submissive women, we are in such a vulnerable position, and with that understanding comes the strong will to be certain, to not allow anyone in until it feels completely right! We are rather closed as we test the water. First we stick our toe in, when it progresses to a point we feel safe, we stick the rest of one leg in, when that feels comfortable we add the other leg, then we just dive in! Sometimes we bump our heads and come back up running for the shore. Other times we stay there to see what lies beneath the water, exploring the very depths. Taking our time, enjoying the feeling, the beauty of it all! We are filled with hope to reach that point, every day the need to "dive in" is ever present. At times it feels consuming! But we know the chances of bumping your head far outweighs the chances of finding that beauty worthy of exploration. But we gamble, we put ourselves out there knowing the risk. Knowing the bruises and the bumps will eventually heal, it is worth the risk to find that one beautiful oasis!