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Saturday, January 8, 2011

The weight of words.

  Ah the week end is here, for most, but not this girl.  My week end comes during the week.  The week end is when i make the most money, so in a way that makes it seem a bit better.  While most are enjoying the day, i am taking care of the ever growing responsibilities of life. I have been single for over 20 years, and have grown accustomed to doing what it takes to make life easier, a bit less stressful.  I do enjoy working, having a life outside of this life, but it does make meeting a bit more challenging.

  So in speaking with A last night, it seems he has all the right answers.  Isn't that supposed to be a red flag?  Well i am not seeing them, maybe i am ignoring them but i honestly have not felt them. Maybe its manipulation, and maybe its not.  If you do not open yourself up, if you keep everything inside, are you not "setting yourself up" for failure? It seems as if each conversation we have is very intense, very focused. No conversations on the vanilla things in life. It is defining roles and expectations.  I am comfortable with him.  I look forward to speaking with him, seeing his side and analyzing where it fits in with my side. With that the trust grows. Knowing that we are traveling the same path, looking for the compliment to ourselves, testing the "realness" of the other. Its exciting when two people connect, when they realized this other person may be a good fit to what you are seeking. But still i always remain guarded, until the face to face, eye to eye.  Words are only words until you meet.  If you do not feel that burning inside when you look into his eyes, the words mean nothing. But when "it" is there, they are everything!  Its funny something i had not really thought about before.  When i met V i did feel the burning inside, the desire. But we had no words prior to that point.  Maybe if we had, the burning would not have been there.  He is very closed, very protected.  But still i cannot shake him.
Certainly something worth pondering today.

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