where the road leads..

 Some how my original blog is gone, poof disappeared!  And since i have switched computers, i am afraid it is gone forever. So i will attempt to re create what was there.  It was basically where this girl came from and how she ended up in this search.
  I have been in this lifestyle for the past 15 years.  I entered it in 1995 after answering a newspaper ad Dominant seeking submissive.  I knew at the time that yes i was submissive, but really knew nothing more than that. But i was eager to explore this side of myself, and was fortunate enough to come across a "daddy" type of Dominant Man we will call R. He was caring but firm, experienced, and 18 years older than me.  Basically just what i needed at the time.
I was divorced from my lustless nilla marriage with a young child in tow.  So we would get together on week ends to play, to explore.  Although i did become dependent on him for most of my happiness, i think inside i knew the differences between us were just too great to make it work on a "forever" basis.  But we stuck it out with all the ups and downs, through the next 13 years. He was an excellent mentor and teacher, we had some wonderful times but, about 2 years ago i came to the conclusion i needed more.  My child had grown, living his own life, and i wanted more!  More time, more control, more structure, more routine, more use, and much less alone.  The need to let go completely, to find the one that i can offer all to, is without question where this one needs to be.
 But oh the search.   Never in my dreams did i think it would be so very difficult.  Have i become so picky, so selective in my search that i have developed "unrealistic" expectations?  In 1995 i answered one ad and stayed for 13 years.  Now i am certain that the number of men i have spoke with, is in the hundreds. Is it the difference of the internet?  Maybe so, it seems everyone is a Dom! Honesty has become a some what minor detail. To me it is everything!  Trust is the foundation, without honesty you have no trust!
  So here i am wading through the real and the wannabees trying to decide which goes where.  A difficult task to say the least.